I’m pretty hard on myself. Know anyone like that…? I have high expectations for the way I should be doing things each day and when I don’t live up to those expectations I am disappointed in me.
I recently got remarried. We are now a family of 7. My oldest child is 20 and is away in college. My daughter is 17 and a junior in high school. My husband has three girls…11, 9, and 5. I moved into the home he already lived in with his girls. Oh….and did I mention that we got ourselves a puppy to complete our new family!?! Eight is Enough.
I am also a 5th grade teacher. I am passionate about teaching children and love watching them grow and learn. But struggle with the facets of their lives that I cannot change or fix or handle.
I strive to give my all to all of the areas of my life all the time…my husband, children, students, and yes – my puppy. I often feel like I fail miserably (and by often I mean always). I feel overwhelmed most of the time and constantly find myself asking God to help me. Give me strength. Give me patience. Give me wisdom. Give me sleep! Give me a housekeeper! I look around at other women and am so envious at how they seemingly balance it all, while I feel like an elephant on roller skates with my hair on fire. And then to make it even worse, I look to the Bible and see this picture of a Godly woman – in Proverbs 31 – and I feel my shortcomings are glaring. This woman had a family and a home, ran a successful business, cooked (healthy), cleaned, made clothes, was up before the sun and after everyone else had gone to bed. Seriously?!?
After many tears, many prayers, and many rants, I have decided to not beat myself up over all of these things that I am NOT. I recently read a commentary on this passage from the Bible that suggested that while the Proverbs 31 woman is a great example to us, is it possible that she was not ALL of these things ALL at once? Perhaps she fulfilled all of these roles during different seasons of her life…and not all at once all the time. This was a totally new way of thinking about who I am and who I strive to be as a woman. Maybe I can’t be everything to everyone everyday. And that is okay.
I’m in a new season of my life where maybe I’m going to have to focus more on certain aspects of my world than others. Imagine what a relief it is to embrace this truth! I love learning new insights to things I had always had the same perspective on. So what if my kitchen is not Pinterest worthy…and it’s okay if we ate cereal for dinner last night…and who cares if I’m in bed by 8 pm most nights. I get up each day (with God0 and do my best to be the best wife, momma, and teacher I can be. “I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.” And I will enjoy this season!