When I was a kid

Here I sit at my computer, feeling the need to express myself. Feeling the need to process through all that is happening in our world through words. I never imagined in my lifetime that I would be living through a statewide “lockdown.” So many emotions flood my heart and mind. Writing is how I cope. But at the same time, I don’t want my words to be discouraging or depressing. I truly am doing all I can to remain positive. I know that my children are feeling anxious (like me) but I don’t want to feed into their fears. My job is to calm their chaos, not create more. I want to be their safety. When they look to me, I want them to see me smiling and finding the positive in all of it.

Struggling to find my voice this afternoon, I turned to my decade old portfolio and dove in. I found a poem that I think is appropriate to share today.

When I was a kid…

When I was a kid,
My mom gave me a pair
Of rose-colored glasses

They were a gift
And I had to learn to use them
In the dark

You really have to
Focus to see things
In the dark

These glasses, they reflect
And they correct
My distorted vision

I put them on
To find the positive
In every situation

When I was a kid,
My mom gave me a pair
Of rose-colored glasses…

And I never lost them.

Why I Write

IMG_2115I set a goal for myself recently to do more things that make me happy. I am learning that self care is something that I’ve been desperately missing. I love doing things for others and taking care of everyone’s needs, but in the process of all of that, I tend to neglect what I really need. When I sat evaluated my self care goals, I was saddened that it was hard for me to articulate the things that would bring me happiness. In that process, I felt lost. I had lost sight of how to take care of myself. Eventually, I came up with a list of a few things that do bring me joy. The number one item on that last is writing. I’m not sure why I enjoy it so much. Part of it is the journey of taking a spark of an idea and turning into something more. Another part of it is just the release of thoughts and ideas and emotions that writing brings. I have journaled for years – and still do it often. But there’s something about putting a blog post out to the world. It’s not about the stats (although I do look at them), but rather its more about being comfortable enough in my own voice to share. There is a lot of vulnerability that comes with it. But also a lot of reward that comes with being a little uncomfortable. And when I do think about the numbers, it is nice to think about someone else in the universe is taking the time to hear my voice. 

Last week I wrote about my writing portfolio from my senior capstone. I came across a poem that I had not even remembered writing, but reading it really was the seed for this post. I guess if there is anything to take away from all of this it is this…find joy in what you do. Take care of your soul. Listen to the inner voice. Quite the noise, slow down and be at peace.

why i write

i write for me
to feel, to grieve
to let go and to remember

i write for validation
from my soul
and from my mind

i write to say the things
that i will never
have the strength to say aloud

i write to heal
to mend old wounds
and bandage fresh cuts

i write to make my world
meaningful, real, and 
worth living in

Micro what?

Today I received a blogging newsletter that pretty much changed my life. In this newsletter there was an article about microblogging. Yep, it’s a thing. Microblogging is the idea that blog posts don’t have to be long, multi-paragraph dissertations on the topic of choice. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…) It’s okay for a blog post to be like any other post on a social media outlet, such as Twitter or even Instagram. Blog posts can be short updates, or long thoughtful essays. It’s okay!

I am not sure why I needed this validation from a random blogging newsletter, but it sure did make me think differently about the way I want to share on my blog. Sometimes I have an idea pop into my head that I really would like to write about, but I find myself thinking “do I really have anything/enough to say about that topic?” According to whose standards?!? I’m not sure where this self-imposed word count nonsense came from in my brain, but I am glad that it doesn’t really matter anymore anyway. Maybe I felt like I needed to be like the “real” bloggers who are amazing writers with lots to say about things in ways I could never do. But the more I have thought about what I read this morning, the more I know and understand that I don’t have to blog like anyone out there but me. If its something that I want to share, I should be okay to share it in any way that works for me! Maybe a sentence. Maybe a picture. Who knows?! The possibilities are really endless know. What a relief!

I’m almost embarrassed that I didn’t come to this conclusion all on my own, or that I didn’t have the confidence in myself to create whatever and however I wanted to on my own blog… I would not be honest if I said that I came to this revelation all on my own. Nonetheless, I am excited to push myself to not conform to the way I think things “should” be according to some standard that really doesn’t exist. I am excited to write more and share more…with no boundaries!