My heart’s desire

This house is still and quiet this morning as I sip coffee and reflect on the last two weeks that I have had at home. No schedule. No running. No emails or grading or lesson plans. Just time. Time to play six games of Yahtzee in a row. Time to spend entire days in my craft room creating. Time to try new recipes and to organize – well everything. Time to sit and be still and pray and listen. Shame on me for not taking enough time to do that when life is at full speed. I’m angry with myself for all of the wasted time that I could have spent with God, drawing closer to Him. I’m disappointed that I have been able to convince myself that there are just “not enough hours in the day.”

I am not one to make resolutions this time of year. Mostly because I rarely stick to them, and then I feel bad about myself for not being able to be consistent…so I just avoid it. That’s not to say that I don’t set goals for myself, but setting them at the beginning of the year feels like too much pressure for me. However, this year…it is much more than a goal or resolution that I am setting for myself. It is a prayer. My prayer is that drawing closer to God and spending time with in each quiet morning will become the desire of my heart. To pursue God whether through reading His word, or through worship, podcasts, sermons, prayer…all of these…daily. My prayer is for God to open my eyes to all that He has to teach me each day – each moment – of this new year.

And to enjoy every last moment of this last day of my break.

Total Surrender

Here we go. Another new year. Another fresh start. Another blank slate with endless possibilities. Another (insert your own cliche here). I actually do love a new year and the thought that it’s time to start over. But then I also get aggravated with myself that I NEED to start over. Why can’t I just “keep going” rather than always needing a restart!? It’s like the diet I begin EVERY Monday morning!! So I sat down to “restart” another blog with a New Year post about resolutions and inspiration and all that nonsense. But as I ponder on the idea of resolutions it sort of hit me! Resolutions – for me – just don’t work. And here is why…When I make resolutions for myself it really becomes all about me and MY ability (or lack thereof) to follow through and accomplish. I become fixated on my goal and my strength and my willpower and my ability. I rely on ME to make things the way I want them. So this year I’m NOT making resolutions for things that I want to do. Instead I’m going to turn it ALL over to God, because I KNOW that HE CAN work all things out for me. He will be my strength and my will. If and when I become more reliant on Him and completely surrender my will to Him I am certain that He will work through me and in me. My desires and wants and needs become less important when I allow God to work His will in my life. So no resolutions for this girl…this year, its about total surrender!