blessing – Julie Anne Taylor

At the end of the day today I sat in my quiet classroom, thinking about my ever-growing list of things to do. The list was so overwhelming that rather than trying to accomplish at least one or two things before I went home, I just sat there. Exhausted from the day’s events. But today’s tired was a good tired. And today, rather than letting the stress and anxiety of this job get to me, I focused on how grateful I am for the way I get to spend my days. I absolutely love making connections with my students. Every year I tell people that I get to make 50 new best friends. They make me smile with their stories. They slay me with their silliness. At times they make me want to pull my hair from its roots – but even in those moments, I love them.

As I looked at the large calendar next to my desk and added that task to my “Wednesday – am to do list” I felt sadness creeping in. It’s already March. I only have three more months with these kids, and I am not ready to let them go. We have built such a great community this year in room 214. This group of kids is just a “nice” group. They help each other out. They are constantly asking me for jobs around the room to help me out. I’m not ready for this year to be over with these amazing kids.

Each day at dismissal as my students leave the room I tell them “See ya, love ya, bye!” Every day. Every student. I started that on the very first day of school. It didn’t take long for them to pick up on it and now they say it right back to me. It just makes my heart so happy! And the further we get into the school year, they truly understand that those aren’t just words from Mrs. Taylor. They know that when I say “love ya” that I mean it! I am honored and blessed that I get to spend my days pouring into the lives of these ten year olds. I want them to know that no matter what kind of day we had, no matter what mistakes they made, no matter how frustrated I may have gotten with them during the school day that I love them. It’s the last thing they hear from me before they head home.

I didn’t end up crossing anything off of my lengthy to-do list today. When I walked turned off the lights and shut the door of my classroom today, my list was still full – but so was my heart.

I am a teacher. It is not what I do…it is who I am. I love the energy that the kids bring to the classroom everyday. I love reading stories with them and listening to their reactions to historical events and reading their creative writing.

But I am tired. I know that people are probably sick of hearing teachers complain about how hard the last few years have been. But y’all, it’s like nothing I have ever experienced. And I cannot not even begin to explain how or why. Unless you have personally walked through it, no amount of words could even begin to try and paint a picture of the enormous weight that teachers are carrying.

Today was a really rough day. There are kids who desperately need help that I alone can’t give. There are parents who have seemingly checked out and are not attentive to their child’s needs. Today I ran smack into so many walls while trying to do all that I can for my students. I am feeling defeated. I am frustrated and standing on the edge of hopelessness. I have cried nearly every day this year. Many nights I have tossed and turned worrying about other people’s children – my students. I am burned out and exhausted.

As I sat in my dark room today scarfing down my cold lunch, saying a prayer that I could be what my students needed for the rest of our day, I was completely overwhelmed with feelings of failure. And then I saw tiny note peeking out from some papers on the corner of my desk. The small piece of notebook paper had been cut into the shape of a heart and crisply folded in half. Inside it read:

Dear Mrs. Taylor,
I might not have any sweet treats, but I have something I want you to read. In the start, school was a big fart, until I switched for the first time. It’s like I just ate a lime. My eyes gazed around your room. It was beautiful, through and through. What I mean is from my heart…I love learning with you!

In that moment, sitting in my dark, quiet classroom, tears streamed down my cheeks. Somehow, this sweet quiet student knew exactly what I needed today. And all of the mess and chaos of the day was gone. With this thoughtful poem, a little 10 year old girl brought me back to center. She reminded me why I show up every day. She filled my heart with so much joy that I couldn’t remain in my overwhelmed state even if I had tried.

I am so blessed to get to do what I do every day. And it took the secretly left musings of a ten year old to remind me of all of those blessings.

Tag: blessing

See ya, love ya, Bye

“I love learning with you”