Tag: mental-health

Embracing a Slower Rhythm This Winter

julieannetaylor

The end of my winter break is almost here. While I am looking forward to getting back into a routine and finding some “normalcy,” I have thoroughly enjoyed the last two weeks of having no schedule, no routines, no work, no deadlines. This break I was very intentional about slowing down and taking time to do the things that bring me joy. Even though the morning alarm was turned off, I still found myself up early before anyone else in the house was awake. I love quiet mornings with coffee and stillness. I read the days away…finishing three books during my time off. I decluttered and organized (that may not sound fun or relaxing to some, but for me it is freeing). I played records (yes, vinyl) and truly slowed to listen to songs that just hit differently from the record player. I got my camera out (had to clear the dust and charge the batteries) and just snapped little moments that made me smile.

This morning I took the camera outside just to try and capture a few moments of my favorite part of the day. I love the soft light of the sky when the darkness clears but the sun has not risen and taken over just yet. The world is quiet and slow and I find so much peace at this time of day. The coffee has kicked in, but the demands of the day are still at bay. No one is up and moving to need anything from me yet (except my very demanding dog) and the time and space are all mine. When I stepped out into the front yard, my first thought was that I would just snap a few shots to re-acquaint myself with my camera, not expecting to find much to shoot in my little piece of the neighborhood.

What I found was so much beauty. Beauty in dormant trees and gray skies. Beauty in bare branches covered in a thin layer of frost. I found that there is beauty in this time of year when things slow down to rest and renew. Yes, of course in spring when everything begins to bloom and grow, there is so much beauty to be found. But I really appreciate this season of dormancy and stillness. I think we could all learn a lot from the rhythm of nature. I know for me that I need to learn to slow down and embrace and easier pace. I have to let go of the notion that if I am not busy than I am not productive. Nature slows down and uses this season to prepare for renewal in a few months. I need to give myself permission to do the same. I do not have to be “doing” something all the time…it is okay to find a new rhythm that is slower. There is no shame or “laziness” in slowing and renewing. And I am worthy of taking on a new rhythm during this season. It’s what my body needs. It’s what my soul needs. I believe its what the world needs. I hope that you can find some peace and joy in the stillness that this season brings. Find something that feeds your soul and sit with it today.

Sunday Scaries

julieannetaylor

The Sunday Scaries are real…and tonight I have a serious case of them. This week is conference week. That means two very long days. And even though we only have students for three days and then a PD day followed by a long weekend, it will still be a very long week.

To say the start of this school year has been challenging would be an understatement of epic proportion. In all of my years teaching the start of this year has been like none other. It seems to be disorganized and overwhelming with a big fat helping of feeling lost. I have never been so frustrated starting a year. Now, let me add that I have a wonderful group of really kind, respectful students (mostly) and I already love them so much. My frustrations stem from all of the other stuff. The packed full meeting schedule before the school day even starts. The never-ending tasks that keep being piled on an already full plate. The lack of time to get anything done or even catch my breath.

I do have a point though, beyond my ranting and venting. My true purpose of sitting down to write tonight is to sing the praises of my two work besties. Knowing that they will be by my side through this long week is the only thing helping me face my Sunday Scaries tonight. My teaching partner, Amanda, and my Intervention Specialist, Stacey make this tough year doable. By the time Sunday night rolls around, I miss them and I am excited to go back to work on Monday morning, in spite of the scaries I am feeling.

These two ladies are truly my safety net at school and in life. They let me overreact, knowing that I will calm down and be logical (eventually). They laugh at me – and with me – when we have to laugh so we don’t cry. They check me when I’m wrong – but they do it with love and grace. They share their lives with me and let me share mine with them. They truly have gone from colleagues, to friends, to family in the few years we have worked together.

So while this long, hard week is staring me in the face tonight, I know that I will have Amanda and Stacey by my side. Taking selfies. Laughing until our bellies hurt. Crying when it gets to be too much. And simply being together. So, while the Sunday Scaries are real, they are just a little less scary knowing I have my two besties in it with me.

Facing the quiet

julieannetaylor

The house is so quiet today. School is out until January 7th. All the presents have been bought and wrapped. The house is clean (ish). Laundry done. Dishes done. I am having a hard time just being still today. I told myself last night that today was going to be a rest day because the last two weeks have been nonstop and I just feel exhausted. And when I woke up this morning I was excited about the prospect of having nothing that had to get done, and nowhere to be. But here I sit, it’s not even noon yet, and I am struggling with the nothingness. I am having a hard time with the rest. That shouldn’t be a bad thing…that I need to be busy…but as I sit and ponder the real reason, I think it is a bit troublesome.

The lack of noise and busyness today is forcing me to be alone with my thoughts and with my emotions. I have a lot of time to reflect on the year that has gone, and anticipate the one that lies ahead. When life is busy and chaos is all around, I am not forced to be alone with my thoughts. It just becomes easier to avoid the voice inside and to deal with all of the stuff that requires attention.

This past year has been filled with so many blessings and I find it hard to believe all of the moments and memories I got to experience. As I look through all of my pictures and journal posts I am overwhelmed with the life I led in 2024. There were so many firsts in my life this year. My first time in Paris. Our first vacation with ALL of us. My first time kayaking…in the Pacific Northwest. Parker’s first sleepover with Mimi and Pap. My first girls’ trip with my friends. And so many other little moments that were true blessings. SO many highlights. I have so many things to be thankful for in this life. But the year was not all highlights. There were some really hard times. Some challenges that I never dreamed we would face. But still in it all, I have so much to be thankful for. Trying to remember all of it today as I process all of the memories of the year.

This time of year is so hard for me. For some reason it always has been. This is a very unpopular opinion, but Christmas is just not “the most wonderful time of the year” for me (and many others). Today I am trying not to let myself slip into the sadness that slowly tries to envelope me. The quiet, stillness of the day is making that a challenge. Facing the sadness – when I’m supposed to be happy – is not really what I want to do today, but I know that it really is an exercise in wellness…to acknowledge the feelings and to process them. So…what do I do in the quiet moments. Find joy. Find the things that bring me joy and remind me of what fuels me. One of those things is writing. Writing to process. Writing to heal. Writing to feel joy.

When I opened up my blog site to do that very thing, I was hit with the fact that my last blog post was over 10 months ago! I am sad and embarrassed by that fact. Writing and sharing is a big part of who I am – and I have lost that for nearly a year. I think back to all of the things that I could have shared over the past year, and yet I didn’t. I guess I need to figure out the why in that today. Looking back through all of my blog posts, it seems that I have several out there that start with “It’s been a long time since my last post…” or something to that effect. I’m trying to give myself grace and not be too hard on myself. Trying. I think that sometimes I am afraid to write about the reality of my world. Sometimes, even though I know it would be therapeutic, I don’t share because it’s hard. It’s not pretty. It’s scary to think of being judged. But I have always aimed for this blog to be authentically me. I want to be real and write about real things – for myself. So here we go. I am going to resolve to share ALL of the things over the next year. And maybe even look back on 2024 and share the good and the bad. And in the meantime, I am going to practice being still.

Thanks for letting me ramble and reclaim some of the joy that writing brings me. Much love.

Finding my Voice…again

julieannetaylor

It’s been almost a year since my last post on this blog. I’m honestly not sure why it has been so long since I sat down to write. Part of it is probably just that life is so busy…but that’s really a lousy excuse when I really think about it. Life is busy, but we make time for our priorities or for the things that bring us joy. Maybe it’s just the doubts and insecurities have taken over and I think “Nobody really cares about what I have to say.” But, I never really intended to write things for other people, but rather I always wrote for myself – to reflect on this crazy life and to process all the things that happen on a day to day basis. Perhaps the real reason that I haven’t taken the time to blog is just that it’s hard. The last year of life has been hard and I have been having an incredibly hard time understanding the “whys” of life. One of the last blog posts I wrote was shortly after my brother died. It was one of the hardest posts that I have ever written and I remember agonizing about finding the words to express my feelings and to honor him and his life that was cut way too short. Writing has always come so easy for me, but capturing the loss of my brother and sharing that pain in such a raw way was a huge challenge, but also something I truly felt I had to do.

We had dinner with some friends tonight and the wife asked me if I had been blogging lately, because she hadn’t remembered seeing anything I had written. She spoke about how beautiful my blog after my brother’s passing was and how it really touched her. Her words meant so much to me and it made me realize that I truly have missed this platform to share my thoughts. My brother was always so encouraging and supportive of my blog. Often I struggle with the doubts of sharing my writing because I really don’t think that any thoughts or feelings I have are worthy of putting them out there. And so, as we drove home from dinner I thought about all of it and although I felt the urge to sit down and write, I also felt a big emptiness knowing that my brother is not around to read my words. Even typing that just now, it feels weird to have that thought. But that is what is on my heart and mind. I think if I am really honest with myself, I believe there is a bit of guilt in that I get to go on and do the things that I have always done – the things that bring me joy – and he doesn’t. He doesn’t get to sit and paint, or play his guitar and sing his favorite songs.

But…I know that he would want the rest of us left behind to experience all the joy that life has to give…to go on living and loving. And so, I am going to do that. I am going to find my voice again and write what is on my heart as often as I can. Not for the views. Not for the follows. Perhaps not even for myself. I’m going to write again for my brother. I hope that finding my voice again and seeking joy in the little things will make him proud of me. I hope you come along for the ride.

Much love

J